From: Mark Finney [SMTP:[email-masked]]

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 
cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, 
alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of
Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers
by surprise...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino 
blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a 
streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my 
bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding
my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.

I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition.
Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble.  Low profile tires, curb 
feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the 
driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my 
driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, 
and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of 
seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three 
pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as 
smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential 
was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout 
gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right 
front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as 
his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in
it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge 
(no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his 
bumper, and knew the ugly truth...

He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust... 
maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the
crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...

Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady 
high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds
had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the 
intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his 
shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he 
missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in 
to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead,
now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so 
easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* 
chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over
the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, 
but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to 
third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot 
circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front
of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" 
chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he
lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty 
steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in 
carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the 
left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt
the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel 
slowly  leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up
front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva ...

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on
the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next 
light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my 
driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car 
meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority 
reigns!!!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking 
for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon 
Van!